It’s easy to confuse empathy and sympathy. Both words come from the Greek root pathos, which relates to feelings and experiences. While sympathy was historically used to describe sharing someone else’s feelings, empathy has taken on this role over time. So, what are the differences between empathy vs. sympathy, and why does understanding that actually matter?
Understanding the Differences Between Empathy vs. Sympathy
The key differences between empathy and sympathy come down to two things: our intention and the impact on the other person.
Sympathy is feeling concern or compassion for someone else. It can include statements like, “I’m sorry you’re going through that.” These expressions are well-meaning and show care, but they often keep a safe distance. Sympathy allows us to acknowledge another person’s feelings without fully engaging with them, which can feel comforting to us but doesn’t always provide the support the other person needs.
Empathy, on the other hand, is about feeling with another person. It involves trying to understand their perspective and emotions, being aware of how they feel, and responding in a way that communicates understanding and support. Empathy is connection-focused. Instead of keeping a safe distance, we move toward the other person, offering attention, understanding, and care. Unlike sympathy, which can feel more like an acknowledgment of someone else’s struggle, empathy invites us to put ourselves in another person’s shoes and truly share in their emotional experience.
As psychologist Carl Rogers has said, “Empathy is seeing the world through the eyes of the other, not seeing your world reflected in their eyes.”
Examples of Empathy vs. Sympathy in Action
Let’s look at a few examples to understand the difference between sympathetic and empathetic responses in real-life situations.
Example 1: If a friend loses their job
- Sympathy: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That must be tough.”
- Empathy: “I can only imagine how stressful that must be. How are you feeling?”
Both responses show care, but the empathetic response invites your friend to share their emotions and lets them know you’re present with them.
Example 2: If someone is dealing with a serious illness
- Sympathy: “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
- Empathy: “I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen and support you. What’s most challenging for you right now?”
Both responses communicate care, but empathy shows you’re willing to sit with difficult emotions and truly connect.
Building empathy takes time and practice, but it’s a skill we can all develop.
Benefits of Building Empathy
Research shows that people who practice empathy experience many benefits, including:
How Kids & Adults Can Develop Empathy & Compassion
As adults, we can develop empathy by:
- Actively listening: Pay attention without interrupting or offering advice.
- Asking questions: Find out what others need instead of assuming a solution.
- Building emotional intelligence: Strengthen self-awareness and emotional regulation. Self-awareness helps keep the focus on the other person, while emotional regulation allows us to tolerate uncomfortable feelings without withdrawing.
Activities to Build Empathy in Children by Age
One of the most important jobs adults have is promoting empathy in children. Try these activities based on the age level of the children in your life:
Young Learners
- Model empathetic behaviors: Name and share your own emotions to show how feelings look, sound, and feel. For example: “I can see that you’re sad you can’t play with your friend today. I feel sad when I can’t see my friends, too.” This helps children recognize feelings and connect with others.
- Use picture books: Talk about how characters might feel and why, and relate it to children’s own experiences. For example: “I can understand why the crayons wanted to go on strike. If I felt like no one wanted me around, I might feel that way, too.”
Elementary School Children
- Practice perspective-taking: When talking about school events, ask questions like, “How do you think that person felt? Why?” or “Have you ever felt this way? What happened?” It’s okay if your child feels differently from someone else. The goal is to help them understand others’ feelings and build connection, not to make everyone feel the same way.
- Read fiction books: Fiction opens new worlds and stories that help children learn about others, build empathy, and see situations from different perspectives. Reading allows them to experience challenges beyond their own lives, which supports understanding and connection with the people around them.
Adolescents
- Service learning and volunteering: Just like reading about people different from ourselves, volunteering provides real-life experiences to learn about others and broaden one’s perspective.
- Reflective journaling: Journaling helps teens explore their own perspectives and consider another person’s feelings. One simple prompt is the Three Whats: 1) What happened? 2) So what? 3) Now what? These prompts encourage reflection and meaning-making from experiences.
Empathy & the Other Four Skills Children Need to Succeed
Empathy is one of the five core competencies of emotional intelligence: the set of critical skills necessary to navigate any emotion, conversation, or situation, no matter how difficult. Emotional intelligence is the foundation every child and adult needs to be successful in just about every other aspect of their lives, from learning to read to succeeding in the workplace.
Frameworks of Tampa Bay is the leading nonprofit dedicated to equipping every child in our community with emotional intelligence, so they can grow up to be kind, collaborative, and capable citizens. Learn about the other four skills and how to help the children in your life build their emotional intelligence.
About the Author
Julie Hughes is the Education Program Director at Frameworks of Tampa Bay, where she develops professional learning experiences and resources centered on emotional intelligence and relationship-building. Before joining Frameworks as a content specialist, Julie spent 20 years as an educator working with students across public, private, and charter schools. Her work focuses on helping students, families, and educators build stronger connections and supportive learning communities.
